Recruitment
Recruitment, its a BoS (Bag of Shite). Do organisations not realise that I know the bullshit they want me to spew? And when I'm feeding their preverted souls during the interview, I can see their inner selves squealing with joy. It's disgusting.
I feel dirty after I finish an interview, as if I have sinned against my body.
From my experience corporate pimps work like this:
The pimp: Tell me what I want to hear.
The whore: I tell them.
The pimp: Use "common" sense in the group exercises.
The whore: I do.
The pimp: Be my bitch (an offer).
The whore: OK.
For example:
Q. Why do you want to work in "insert service line/department here" ?
What I think:
I honestly, couldn't give a flying fuck. You have a reputation as a pimp and the title sounds exotic enough to wow my friends at GS, Accenture and all the other pimp houses.
What I say:
I want to analyse businesses, hoping to recommend ways to increase profit.
The HR ladies begin to lactate profusely when I spew this garbage. A manager knows it's bullshit, I know it's bullshit; but there is an approving smile and nod.
Q. Can you give me a time when .... ?
What I think:
OH FUCK. Whatever I say is bullshit. You don't care, I don't care. A Solo expedition to Mount Everest has no significance in my ability to bend over and be (legally) analy raped.
What I say:
Too much bullshit to even write. But I'm sure you're familiar with the bullshit
By this point, there is so much milk I could feed all the starving babies in a small African country.
