Corporate Whore

Overheard by a number of managers, senior managers and partners under varying degrees of intoxication ....

I realised I have no distinct *about me* section. It would be a travesty to leave readers wondering who the Corporate Whore is. Especially as I seem to be comfortable with being a whore.

Without further BS .....

Of Kings and Pawns

Every so often, I question why I am a consultant. To be perfectly honest, most of the projects I work/have worked on are terrible. I know some very talented undergrads could accomplish the work that I have been involved in. I also remember one project where a 14 year old with some maturity could have completed my daily tasks. Yet the client was billed close to £1000 for my "efforts".

I question what motivates me to do the work I do, spend countless hours on the client site, feigning interest at whatever story the senior manager may wish to endow us with (I've heard some shockers that would make the most cracked out crackhead turn crimson; I may detail some in the near future).

That feeling when you're playing your favourite game, either PS2, Xbox Blackberry etc and you're on a high score, then someone distracts your attention, either switching off power or covering the screen. The feeling of anger and rage you feel towards that person is what I feel to brown nosers.

They should all rot in steaming piles of faeces.

Working 18 hour days, everyday for close to two weeks, you submit the document you've been working on. A distinct lack of interest in the subject means that the work, whilst sufficient, is not stellar. You submit to your manager, awaiting feedback. Whilst awaiting your managers return from a drink and (most probably) drugs fest in Amsterdam , you rearrange your evening schedule to catch up with friends you haven't seen for what seems an eternity. You are very pleased with the last 24 hours, the beast of a document you were working on has been tamed and tranquilised, and you can finally have some sort of social life again.

The manager returns and schedules a 20 minute meeting to go over the document. You receive a smile as you enter the meeting room. The fun ends there. Almost immediately you are bent over and verbally raped for the duration of the meeting. Everything about you is scrutinised. From your commitment to the project, to your haircut (WTF?).

Slowly, very very slowly, 20 minutes evolves into 2 hours. Getting raped for 2 hours is not fun. Not fun at all. As the ordeal progresses, it is clear your manager knows very little about the project. When you subtly attempt to make this known, the vigour of the violation increases.

After the violent ordeal is over, you are sent on your way to redo the work, with some extra work for good measure.

The final document plus extras are required in just over 72 hours.

Corporate Whore was sick of the terrible pimp host.

Corporate Whore has now moved to blog.com. All old posts have been copied over. Please update your bookmarks/syndication links etc.

http://corporatewhore.blog.com

Rejection is a bitch.

You may have little to no knowledge of the organisation, but you begin your research.
Armed with your predetermined answers to the most asked questions, you begin to fill out the application form. You message a couple of friends who may have some valuable nuggets of information that can be added. You want to make this application form shine. Shine so bright your bullshit looks like a reflective silver mirror turd.

You get stuck at the question asking why you applied for the organisation. You spend a couple of hours trawling through their website and other internet resources. It's too late to call HR and slyly ask for some information. You have done so much research and read so many promises of an exciting and challenging career that you have convinced yourself this is the firm that is right for you. You have convinced yourself. This firm is amazing.

One last check of everything. Everything is in order. Save the form. Click. Sent.
Now the waiting game.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock (repeat a few thousand times)

You check your email and your heart skips a beat. They have replied. This is it. First round interview for sure

....


"
Dear Wanna Be Whore

Thank you for your interest in the position of Corporate Whore with Mitchell Armstrong Pimphouse

....

We have carefully considered your application and are impressed by your qualifications and skills. At this time however, we did not find a good match between our specific needs and your skills and experience. I therefore regret that we will not be proceeding further with your application.

Thank you, once again, for your interest in [us] and we wish you success in your future career.

Kind regards,

Mitchell Armstrong Crackwhore recruitment
"
SHIT



"
Dear Wanna Be Whore,

Thank you for your interest in a position with MegaPimps ...
Unfortunately, after reviewing your materials, we are unable to continue with your application at this time.

...

We wish you the best of luck in your pursuit of employment opportunities.

Regards,

MegaPimps

HR
"
SHIT SHIT

Plenty more emails with similar content creep into your inbox in the following months.

SHIT SHIT SHIT

Rejection is a bitch.