Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Soldier Boy

Overheard in the corridor, I kid you not.


Partner: It's not usually my style, but my daughter has me convinced it's "cool"

Associate: Who's the artist? Have we advised them? [Them being the label]

Partner: A group called Soldier Boy.

Associate: Never heard of them.


This is Soulja Boy. The partners at this firm seem to be smoking something different to the rest of us.*




* I don’t smoke. Anything

Posted by Corporate Whore at 23:26:44 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Old Friends

Seeing old school friends is always an enlightening experience, as I take a certain pride in explaining to them what I do (I get paid to travel the world lying to those people that have requested my lies, similar to some politicians). My academic and employment history is particularly surprising as I was threatened with expulsion numerous times (pre and post GCSE, and even during my first year in uni). However, I managed to pull myself together and most of my friends/acquaintances from my halcyon days are impressed when I name the pimp that whores me.


Anyway, I bumped into an old acquaintance; I'll call her Jane, on Friday in the EC1 area. I was particularly pleased to cross paths with Jane as I used to have a crush on her back at school and she would always deny my advances. However, the Jane of 2008 is very different from the Jane of my school days. It seems that Jane has met with some hard times. She dropped out of uni mid-way through her first year and has been working at a local Starbucks ever since. She has increased in weight by a considerable amount and her once unblemished face is now covered in what appears to be acne scars.


Despite the sympathy I felt for her, there was a small large part of me that wanted to smile coyly and say "Look what you've missed out on. I've got more air miles than Jenna Jameson would have if she combined her career with air hostess duties. I could have splashed out on you, yet you spurned my youthful advances, leaving me scarred and bitter for life!"

I said nothing of what I was thinking, merely continuing to echo my words of sympathy. Our meeting came to an end shortly after that. We exchanged numbers and made (empty?) promises that we'll keep in touch.

I was smiling for the rest of the weekend. I might get bent over and corporately raped on a regular basis, but knowing that someone from my past has it worse made me feel better about life.*

 

 

 

 

 

*
The events above are 99% fabricated. What do you take me for, a narcissistic tosser? I did meet an old friend, she's doing amazingly well. Currently works for Goldman Sachs and is even more stunning than I remembered.

The 1% of truth? We exchanged numbers and I fully intend on taking advantage of my improved social skills to woo her. If I can fabricate the truth to senior execs of FTSE 100 organisations, I should be able to pull this off.
That's one thing I enjoy about consulting, I can bullshit my way into any situation I please.

Posted by Corporate Whore at 00:09:40 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Sunday, January 13, 2008

New Year Resolutions

  • At (almost) any cost, I will NOT succumb to owning a crackberry
  • I will pause before I take the piss with expense claims. This resolution does not mean that I'll stop submitting them.
  • I'll attempt to get staffed on at least 8 international assignments.
  • I'll join the consultant mile high club.
  • I'll let each and every partner in the firm know exactly what I think of them, very tactfully of course
  • Enjoy the inner delights of HR Beauty in a partners office.
  • If any of the above should backfire, my final resolution (possibly less of a resolution and more of a necessity) will be to search for a new job.

Happy New Year!
Posted by Corporate Whore at 12:50:44 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |