The ex-Consultant Formerly Known as “Corporate Whore”
The following is a post I begun, meaning to chronicle Summer 2008. A series of fortunate and not so fortunate events meant that I was unable to continue with the update, until now. I conclude the post with a summary of what has happened since the post was written.
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A series of very fortunate events … Introducing Horny Harriet
Summer ‘08 shall be chronicled as a three part series.
The third week of the summer intern hunt began as innocuously as any other week. There were presentation sessions organised for a few of the interns, this was followed by a mid-week networking session (read: Intern piss-up) and the usual Friday drinks; it had been a fairly mundane week.
Being the affable and easy-going chap that I am, I decided to get to know a few of the interns and offer my unique insight into the world of strategy consulting (and perform full reconnaissance on the female interns without being too conspicuous). I was introduced to an intern who I’ll call Horny Harriet. From the outset she (Horny Harriet) appeared to be the typical intern hired by our firm, she studied at a prestigious university, had been the captain, president and chair of various clubs and societies, on top of some amazing charitable work. I didn’t spend an excessive amount of time with her as I had a mission to complete. I was introduced to and had conversations with the majority of interns. I had previously ruled out any advances that could have occurred, as I was on a purely recon mission and devise my plan of attack during the next week.
As I was preparing my exit, Horny Harriet approached me and we struck up a conversation. From the outset I could tell where this conversation was headed. She began by asking me what was the worst thing an employee had done to get fired (well, these people haven’t been fired yet, so it can’t be so bad) and whether I had some close to any these offences. I gave a knowing smile and replied that I’m generally a good boy. She chuckled then said “It’s good to hear that you’re a good boy, especially when the client is footing the bill. Good boys seem to be the norm at uni but sometimes a girl just wants the experience of something that deviates from that norm”. From then on it was game on, I knew score. We arranged to leave separately, she would make her excuses and I would follow her 20 minutes later.
I arrived at her flat and we were at it almost immediately. With large quantities of alcohol coursing through our veins, we skipped the niceties and banter that is so often de rigueur with first night relations. We were approaching the big dance when she paused and whispered to me “Would you like to someone else to be involved, another girl?” I tried to maintain a semblance of calm, however, I can imagine that I didn’t succeed as she began to laugh. My reaction must have been enough for her as she began to make a few calls. She made approximately eight calls with none of them bearing fruit. “Oh well, I guess it wasn’t meant to be” she said. I wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass me by. I, like most men (I assume), like to believe we think with our minds and not our sexual devices. At this point, I’d like to think it was a combination of the alcohol and the possibility of a ménage a trois that led me to suggest HR Beauty as a possible partner. Far from being wary at the prospect of an unknown entering the equation, she was jubilant. I called HR Beauty - she had been out with friends and was also highly intoxicated - and invited her to join me at a party. To cut a long story short, HR Beauty was initially shocked, but ultimately agreed to the proposal. Conversing with Horny Harriet was certainly the best investment I had made in a long time!
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- HR Beauty gabbled like a goose to a few of her HR friends about the events of that night, omitting her activities and wildly exaggerating mine.
- Word soon spread like wildfire. The once spotless Corporate Whore and been thrown into a tar pit.
- Around this time, I was fortunate enough to work on a project where I had the chance to meet a number of prominent Arabian financiers.
- I managed to sufficiently impress and was offered a job.
- I accepted and handed in my notice the next day.
- Within 48 hours, I was on a flight to one of the GCC states.
- I spent my garden leave making the necessary preparations.
- I began my new role early in the autumn.
An incredible 4 months that I could have never predicted. As you can see, it’s no longer right to be called a “Corporate Whore” as I now work for a smaller organisation with much more independence. Regarding the blog, I’m unsure which direction to take it. Over the past 18 months or so, I’ve used it as an avenue to vent my frustration against my pimp master partners and the general buffoons I was forced to work with. The objects of my annoyance have largely disappeared. Fortunately, I’ve been able to maintain my anonymity and have not ruled out future updates of the blog. However, for now, I bid you adieu.
As always, I can be reached at: corporate.prostitute@hotmail.com
