(Not So) Inebriated Quotes pt. V
"My good man, for some time I've held back from responding to your snide comments and remarks. However, I can no longer contain my words. You’re an annoying c**t. Your staff don’t respect you. A number of them have slept with your wife and I'm certain your daughter has been contacted. The chairman things your nose is so far up his arse you could probably offer a better diagnosis than his doctor regarding the his prostate.
It hasn't been a pleasure analysing your various failings in the business, I do not wish you any good will of any sort. Frankly, if I was notified of your painful and protracted death, a grin bigger than all the cats in Cheshire could muster, would cross my face and remain permanently fixed for at least an hour."
This (ex?) consultant does not work for my brand of pimps, however, we were working with their team on a project.
After that speech he packed his things and left. I'm informed he has not been seen or heard of since.
"Desktop fellatio machines. The guy that invents that would be a genius. Working til these ungodly hours would be less painful. Once it's 1am, sit down at your desk and switch on the fellatio machine. BJ while you work. It would relieve a lot of stress and tension"
"It's almost 3am, this is the 7th revision. Seriously, no joke, kill me now"
"How many flow charts would it take to create a tiger", swiftly followed by "Sean, Your mum looks like Homer Simpson"
Proclaimed @ 3.30am. The colleague in question has since professed temporary insanity
"If you put Charles in a dress, do you think he would look like Dame Edna?"
"
Nick: His wife, or if I was feeling adventurous, his daughter, or both!
Stefan: You know his daughter turned 16 yesterday?
Nick: So what's your point? She's still legal
"
Nick discussing his preference over a colleague's wife or daughter for some extra-curricular activities.
We're still in shock.
"I don't like to wash my hands after using the toilet, they never dry properly and I hate having damp hands"
"I'm not in the mood for ethnic food, fish and chips will do me fine"
"Mate, don't worry about it. If I were in your shoes, I would have taken advantage of her too. In fact, all you did was kiss. I probably would have taken it further. She's smoking hot. You're a good guy"
