Consultanese, Not Always A Good Idea
" ... The non-key vertical integrals in the organisational model can be off-shored to reduce operating costs. We'd suggest leveraging the synergies you have with strategic partners in order to further reduce costs ... "
And so it went for approximately 40mins. The board we were presenting to did not interrupt us once. That was when alarm bells began to ring. I noticed them jotting a few notes on paper and looking gravely at our presentation.
As soon as our engagement manager had finished, the CFO, calmly as ever said,
"You know, if I wanted to hear business school buzzwords, I would have bought a few books for our business analysts and asked them to come back in a week informing the board of their shiny new vocab. Don't bullshit us. You will return in 24 hours with the key learnings of this 3 month assignment in plain English. Not some bullshit arty-farty business school crap, real recommendations that can be executed and benefits calculated. I don't care whether you have to work an hour or all night, it will be done. We're not paying you exorbitant sums to receive a presentation which is basically a rip of Porters with a few bits added on and our name stuck on. Now, do YOU have any questions?"
"Erm .."
"Good, get cracking."
With that, the board got up and left. Whilst it was amazing to watch, I'll now be awake until 4am ... again.
