Corporate Whore

Bankers?!! Fuck the bankers? Consultants?! You rock!! Actually, I'd like to fcuk the consultants too!


Nah, I don't like condoms, they make my dick too oily. Don't really worry about AIDS, we're strat consultants, we CAN'T get AIDS.


[Corporate Whore] is a hotty. I haven't heard any gossip about him. I bet he's gay!
I most certainly am not!


Are you crazy? Hell yeah, I'd let her tie me up, hose me down and spank me till her arms fall off. She is the biggest MILF I've ever seen.


My grades weren't so great for GCSE & A'Level. For about 3 years, I used to hear voices in my head, they told me to do stuff. Not anything crazy, like butchering people to death, just normal stuff like I needed to make sure the bed was made and stuff.


I have no morals. I'll sleep with anyone I can, male or female, to get to the top. Once I get there, I'll expose all my revious lovers.


I wonder if we have a limit on what we can expense.
Over £90,000 later and I wonder the same thing.


I wonder whether [mildly attractive intern] would let me do her up the dirt track?


Nepotism. Straight up, I'm not gonna lie to you and pretend I'm the dogs. Nepotism worked heavily in my favour when interviewing for the job.



Corporate Whore, proving why alcohol is bad for those under 23.

Still recovering from the antics of last week (week 3). Details should be up by the end of this week.

"My good man, for some time I've held back from responding to your snide comments and remarks. However, I can no longer contain my words. You’re an annoying c**t. Your staff don’t respect you. A number of them have slept with your wife and I'm certain your daughter has been contacted. The chairman things your nose is so far up his arse you could probably offer a better diagnosis than his doctor regarding the his prostate.
It hasn't been a pleasure analysing your various failings in the business, I do not wish you any good will of any sort. Frankly, if I was notified of your painful and protracted death, a grin bigger than all the cats in Cheshire could muster, would cross my face and remain permanently fixed for at least an hour."
This (ex?) consultant does not work for my brand of pimps, however, we were working with their team on a project.
After that speech he packed his things and left. I'm informed he has not been seen or heard of since. 



"Desktop fellatio machines. The guy that invents that would be a genius. Working til these ungodly hours would be less painful. Once it's 1am, sit down at your desk and switch on the fellatio machine. BJ while you work. It would relieve a lot of stress and tension"



"It's almost 3am, this is the 7th revision. Seriously, no joke, kill me now"



"How many flow charts would it take to create a tiger", swiftly followed by "Sean, Your mum looks like Homer Simpson"
Proclaimed @ 3.30am. The colleague in question has since professed temporary insanity



"If you put Charles in a dress, do you think he would look like Dame Edna?"



"
Nick: His wife, or if I was feeling adventurous, his daughter, or both!

Stefan: You know his daughter turned 16 yesterday?

Nick: So what's your point? She's still legal
"
Nick discussing his preference over a colleague's wife or daughter for some extra-curricular activities.
We're still in shock.

"I don't like to wash my hands after using the toilet, they never dry properly and I hate having damp hands"



"I'm not in the mood for ethnic food, fish and chips will do me fine"



"Mate, don't worry about it. If I were in your shoes, I would have taken advantage of her too. In fact, all you did was kiss. I probably would have taken it further. She's smoking hot. You're a good guy"

• Chris and Margaret were caught in a very tight position in the female toilets. Chris is married, Margaret has a long-time (female) partner.

• John and an anonymous waiter were spotted behind the building. It appeared that John had is zip down and the anonymous waiter was about to service him.

• Martin was unashamedly making suggestive comments to Lucy. Lucy seemed to dismiss them as the words of a drunken partner. Martin and Lucy were later caught in an unused function room. Lucy bent over shrieking in either pleasure or pain.

• Only the Corporate Whore and another colleague showed. The rest of the team - ashamed by their actions - made their excuses.

• The Corporate Whore and colleague proceeded to drink themselves into an amazing stupor. The Corporate Whore woke up with a slight headache; the colleague found himself in a dressing gown on the sofa of a 40+ year old female, approximately 22 miles from the last bar we remember visiting.

• See here

• Jack revealed he has a "thing" for Claire. But was later found in a secluded spot with Joanna.

• Joanna is married to Gareth, who spent the entire evening leering at Michelle's cleavage.

• Michelle was caught in very compromising positions with: Mark, David, George and Graeme (All partners).

• George and Graeme had a very vocal disagreement over Michelle.

• David was also found to be getting slightly too intimate with Johan.

• Sarah and Emma were discovered in the female toilets in a tangle of legs and arms; both, only just covered up.

• Jenny and Rebecca had a cat fight over Liam.

• Liam left with Susan.

• HR Beauty revealed to the Corporate Whore that she often has naughty thoughts whilst at work, especially on a Friday when the Corporate Whore is in the office. The Corporate Whore needed no more prompting. They left together with only the security guards in the building noticing their exit.

• Charles was with Claire the whole night, they left together. Charles is newly married, not to Claire.

• Sarah was caught on her knees. Phil was caught standing upright in front of her.

• Initially, Mark and John were involved in a drunken brawl. This spiralled to include; Peter, Tony, Bill, Tom, Derrick and Annette.

• Hailey was screeching at Tom for accidentally slapping Annette.

• Hailey got an earful from Sophie, who has a thing for Tom.

• Andrew drunkenly revealed his partner is a 19 year old male student. (Nobody was surprised)

• Matt and Craig were seen leaving with Tara. (If rumours are true, they ended up having a threesome)

Pointing to client employee 1 - "Yeah, she was caught at the summer party in a very compromising position with [a manager]. Nobody saw anything, but nobody saw Clinton either. I believe she's admitted it to her circle, but thankfully I'm not in that group"



"Piss off. I'll drink you all under the table"
Said just before he finished his 3rd drink and passed out for the night.



"I'll tell you this 'cause I trust you. My wife's sister gives amazing oral, the best part of it is that everybody can try it and see. I met her when I was searching for sexual services online. I booked her, not knowing it was her. It's our secret"

"I don't discriminate, I fly both ways, depends on my mood that night and if I've taken anything"
A consultant on his sexuality



"I'll bet my life that Zara Phillips has done it up the shit chute."



"We've got to own up to the problem, no more shirking the responsibility. However, we've got to do it in such a way as to lay the blame with [the other] team"



"I've got a 1st class Physics degree from Oxford, yet I'm pissing about on a sodding spreadsheet. Where did my life go so horribly wrong?"



"I'll let you in on a secret. Never have sex with your next door neighbour's wife. Especially if your wife is good friends with her"



"Don't waste your life working. Have a bash in the loo and let's get drunk"



"I'm slowly losing faith in everything. Someone should bludgeon me to death to save me"