Corporate Whore

Inebriated Intern Quotes

Bankers?!! Fuck the bankers? Consultants?! You rock!! Actually, I’d like to fcuk the consultants too!

Nah, I don’t like condoms, they make my dick too oily. Don’t really worry about AIDS, we’re strat consultants, we CAN’T get AIDS.

[Corporate Whore] is a hotty. I haven’t heard any gossip about him. I bet he’s gay!
I most certainly am not!

Are you crazy? Hell yeah, I’d let her tie me up, hose me down and spank me till her arms fall off. She is the biggest MILF I’ve ever seen.

My grades weren’t so great for GCSE & A’Level. For about 3 years, I used to hear voices in my head, they told me to do stuff. Not anything crazy, like butchering people to death, just normal stuff like I needed to make sure the bed was made and stuff.

I have no morals. I’ll sleep with anyone I can, male or female, to get to the top. Once I get there, I’ll expose all my revious lovers.

I wonder if we have a limit on what we can expense.
Over £90,000 later and I wonder the same thing.

I wonder whether [mildly attractive intern] would let me do her up the dirt track?

Nepotism. Straight up, I’m not gonna lie to you and pretend I’m the dogs. Nepotism worked heavily in my favour when interviewing for the job.

Corporate Whore, proving why alcohol is bad for those under 23.

Still recovering from the antics of last week (week 3). Details should be up by the end of this week.

The first week of an internship (the first week of proper* work, as opposed to training) is always a joyous occasion. The undergraduate interns attempt to size each other up and out-drink each other at company sponsored events. The MBA interns also size each other up, however, they are slightly more refined in their alcohol consumption.

Fortunately, I was in-between projects last week and was able to enjoy the festivities in full. Enter Buxom Brunette Becky. The Buxom Brunette bore more than a striking resemblance to the naughty school girls seen on the X-rated channels available to road warriors in all good hotel establishments. I entered the reserved area of the establishment and wasted no time in introducing myself. The Buxom Brunette was a Economics graduate at Oxbridge but hated her degree and had plans on setting up a number of computer centres in West Africa. I asked her what attracted her to the big bad world of strategy consulting. I imagined her looking me in the eyes, then softly whispering “I know who you are, I read your blog all the time. You’re a bad motherf*cker and I applied to meet you in flesh and do me in a client office”. I awoke from my daze to catch the remnants of what sounded like the bullshit answers we all give when being asked “why strategy consulting”. I think I heard her mention using learning and using her improved knowledge to help organisational challenges. I chuckled silently.

It must not have been as silent as I had hoped because she asked me why I was laughing. I responded by telling her that I’d heard a 100 versions of the answer she had just given. I then challenged her to give the real reason for choosing strategy. Instead of backing down or reaffirming her commitment to consulting (as I expected), she paused and said “well, I’ve heard you consultants don’t do much. It seems to be a load of PowerPoint, plagiarism of business models and inventing fanciful names to cover exorbitant expense accounts. Yet, you seem to earn a fair sum for your efforts and the exit opportunities aren’t so bad. I wanted to steer clear of the banking and finance nerds, so I thought I’d check out this gig you’ve got going on.”
I was smitten. Her response lit a fire inside me. I knew I had to develop a carnal knowledge of the Buxom Brunette. I ignored the other interns for the rest of the evening and focused on presenting myself in a positive light to her.

As fate would have it, she didn’t live too far from me (well, we’re approximately 8 miles apart at opposing ends of London, but that wasn’t the time for semantics) and we shared a cab. Being the gentleman that I am, I insisted that she be dropped off first, to ensure her safety and such. HA! When we arrived at her place, I decided to try my luck and invited myself round for a nightcap. Surprisingly, she accepted without argument.

As for the rest of the evening, well, a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, but I assure you I received a lot of knowledge from the Buxom Brunette.

* As proper as it can be for a consultant

So many interns, so little time. Thank God for HR and all the intern social events that are being held over the next 10 weeks. We’re all encouraged to attend to ensure they gain from our knowledge and expertise. The instruction I’ll be providing the interns won’t be covered in any undergrad/MBA classes.

The great thing about having interns is that every year we get a group of bright eyed eager-to-please individuals that will, for the most part, be sociable and won’t oblige to the odd drink or ten, especially when its at the expense of the company. I’m not suggesting my game plan is to ply them with drinks and let the juices flow, however, anecdotal evidence leads me to believe interns are more receptive to requests once their thirst has been suitably quenched.

I not only plan to quench thirsts, I’ll make sure they remain permanently wet for the next 10 weeks.